Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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