Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
