I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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