I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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