Where is the hickey?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
