On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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