He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
