How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
