I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
