do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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