I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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