please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
