My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
