So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
