When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
