I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
where does the pee come out of this thing
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
