Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
so that wasnt chicken after all
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
