Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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