He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
