it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
