Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
