He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
