New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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