i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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