I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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