I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
