You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
