I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
