you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
