I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
