when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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