He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
