kristin has been a bad kristin
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
