forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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