Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
