I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
