You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
