How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
