Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
