Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
