even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
