I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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