a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
