Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
