help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
