i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
