how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
