I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
