Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
