You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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