Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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