I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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